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Some days, I wake up and feel like I’m already behind. Before my feet even touch the floor, the weight of all the things I should be doing, should be achieving, should be feeling, presses down hard. It’s like I’m running a race I never actually signed up for, but somehow, everyone else got the memo and is already miles ahead.
I scroll through social media and see people launching businesses, traveling the world, buying homes, having families, making their dreams happen. Meanwhile, I’m over here just trying to keep afloat, remembering treatment dates, scans and to drink enough water (Which I’m incredibly bad at and my kidneys hate me for). The comparison game is relentless, and no matter how much I try to remind myself that what I see online is just a curated highlight reel, it still gets to me and it still makes me wonder: If I will ever be enough.
Now if you’re wondering what prompted this melancholy post, I would say it’s due to the fact that I edited a YouTube video for 72 hours-only to get 8 views. Only to feel that once again, I’m not good enough. I am the first one to admit that they are perfectly imperfect. I’m still teaching myself how to press record, get comfortable in front of a camera and how to tediously edit so precisely that it keeps the audience engaged and wanting to watch more.
There’s this unspoken pressure to always be more—more successful, more productive, more positive, more everything. And on the days when I don’t feel like I measure up, it’s so easy to sink into the feeling that I’m falling short. I missed the memo on how to get ahead in life. I feel like I’m still 27 with a lot of growing up to do. Do I even want to grow up? I believe the clock is stuck at 27 because I always tell myself Covid Years don’t count. I mean I was barely living during those years, just existing with extreme restrictions which perha
But here’s what I’m learning: Enough isn’t a moving target. It isn’t some grand achievement waiting at the end of a checklist. It isn’t something I have to prove or earn. Enough is already in me, even on the days I feel like a mess. Even when I’m doubting myself. Even when I’m not checking every box or meeting every expectation.
Some days, I have to remind myself over and over that I am doing the best I can with what I have. And that’s okay. I don’t have to have it all figured out right now. I don’t have to be everything to everyone. I just have to be me. And maybe, just maybe, that’s always been enough.
