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I’ve been single for five years. Five whole years. Enter a pandemic, the end of office culture and a few first dates here and there but nothing has ever progressed. I once had a first date with a man who turned up to lunch in sweatpants, a coffee date with a man who expected me to pay for his XL soy milk latte, and last but not least a surgeon who used to send me photos of limbs in the operating room (I kid you not). Now I’m not a 1960’s housewife. I always offer to pay my half of the bill and mostly do-but what is the point of a man asking a woman out on a FIRST date expecting her to pay?
Perhaps my thinking is completely jaded and I am yet to adapt to the times. But I will be teaching my son that if he asks a girl out, he will pay for her as well. I’m not talking about months and years into a relationship. I’m talking about the initial first few dates when you’re still getting to know one another. Where the man is still courting the woman. Taking her out to dinner, surprising her with events or even vacations (Insert controversial opinion here). When my parents were dating, my father flew my mother from the UK to Hawaii and from London to St Barths many times over. Perhaps my standards are just too high- but why is that such a bad thing? I have high standards for my three sisters too. Even my 22 year old brother.
So what happened to Dating culture? We have evolved into a world where the woman is expected to work, take care of the home, the kids, clean, cook and now pay every bill. So what’s point? I believe this is why IVF & Egg Freezing have become so predominant in today’s society. Because a woman can now do everything on her own, whilst a man can just shuffle through women never having to or wanting to commit. And don’t misinterpret that sentence because there are women out there who are exactly the same. Personally I am not one to ever jump into a relationship. I believe that it takes many many months to get to know someone and decide if you want to become someone’s girlfriend.
Now let’s jump into the pool of dating options starting with the apps. Tinder, Hinge, Bumble—pick your poison, they’re all just slot machines with worse odds and stickier fingers. You swipe through a parade of gym selfies, blurry group shots (is he the one with the beard or the one holding the fish?), and bios that scream “I’m fun!” with all the originality of a Tesco meal deal.
A Tesco Meal Deal…
Half the time, you’re texting with a man who vanishes mid-conversation, leaving you wondering if they’ve died or just been caught by their wife. Yes I’m fully convinced that half of the men on these apps are actually in undisclosed relationships looking for a side-piece.
Then there’s the New York factor. Everyone’s “busy.” Busy networking, busy hustling, busy curating their Instagram feed to look like they’re living the “Perfect life” and trust me: I get it. I spent my entire 20’s building up a career for myself rather than pouring that effort into dating properly and finding the perfect partner. Regrets? Absolutely not. I believe it’s imperative to be financially independent before settling down with someone, which is why I also believe in prenups.
I heard Jay Shetty say on his podcast last week that “datings hard but divorce is harder” . I know so many people miserable in marriages that rushed into societal norms, or women who stay in relationships 2-3 years without any progression. Key takeaway? Live your life rather than waiting for the perfect person to save you and have faith that what’s meant for you won’t miss you. We all have to have some dating disasters along the way.
