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I’ve lost my blogging mojo once again. What else is new? 2020 has been a strange year. The year has been looong but short. It’s been a year of self-growth. I’ve had to fully re-learn how to stand on my own two feet and be a single mother (again). Sometimes it’s hard watching everyone around you get engaged or married, but I’m quick to remember that this was the path that I chose when I saw those two pink lines on the pregnancy test pop up. I also believe that everything happens for a reason.
This year we moved into our lovely little house, added a crazy Cocker Spaniel (BlueBelle) to our family, and really learnt not to take a single day for granted. Although social media gets a bad rep, It has helped me navigate through 2020 feeling connected. I’ve always promised to be real and raw so here we are! Sometimes it’s hard to find a balance. A balance with work, parenting, eating, social life, etc. To be perfectly honest my social life has been in the deep end since giving birth in 2014. That alone takes an emotional toll.
When I decided to start this blog (almost ten years ago!) I was never worried about making money from it, or judgment – but like most things in life: times change. I’m constantly hesitant about what I put out there in the world and ask myself “Does anyone actually care?” When I receive messages on Instagram here and there they really encourage me to keep on going. So if you read (and like) my blog, or ever have a question please reach out!
So let’s jump into my actual life update. I feel like Bridget Jones. I’ve gained 5 lbs, my jeans don’t go up my legs and to be perfectly honest I feel like I’ve let myself go. Maybe this is a mid-life (I hope I live longer…) crisis. Maybe it’s stress, maybe it’s eating too many pints of ice cream. I just don’t know. What I do know is that it’s incredibly hard. No matter how much you weigh, watching the scale creep up and up is never an easy thing. Especially when you have a history of an eating disorder. My self-esteem right about now is a negative 10. My nose is extremely swollen from surgery (still), 89% of my closet does not fit (yikes), and my skin looks like I’m going through puberty. Despite, I put on a brave face and keep on going because what’s a girl to do?
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re probably aware of the F-factor drama circulating on Instagram. I followed along for a few weeks before throwing in the towel. I don’t condemn bullying of any type whether a person or company is in the right or wrong. I was (almost) obsessed with watching stories hourly. It was like Hello magazine on steroids. In a sense, it was triggering to read through SO many stories of disordered eating from diets gone wrong. I would tap through them one by one and eat my emotions.
One day I realized enough was enough and it was TRULY time to move on and focus on bigger things. I (re)tried intermittent fasting (to get a grip on my eating habits) but this wasn’t sustainable for the long run. By the time lunch came around I would indulge in 1000 calories or so to try and compensate for breakfast. One evening I decided to scroll Pinterest and came across Weight Watchers, a diet I have never considered. When someone says Weight Watchers I think of an old school 1970’s diet, but I did my due diligence and decided to give the updated diet a go for a few reasons:
- Focus is on points rather than calories
- All foods fit
- It provides structure
Now, after all of the F-Factor drama, I feel that a lot of people have given up on diet culture once and for all. If that works for you great, but for me, I’m someone that needs structure, and balance. I want to be able to eat at a restaurant, order pasta, and eat until I’m full and not feeling like a stuffed turkey. I plan on blogging my experience on WW, and posting recipes soon!
Thats my update for now
xx M xx
