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I’m freezing my eggs and I’ve never felt more alone. Let’s get into it. First I’ll start by saying this is medically necessary for me, and recommended by all of my team and doctors. Second I will say that I recognize it is a privilege to even be able to do this. But does that make it any easier? absolutely not. Somehow I’ve gotten to my early thirties with minimal friends. In high school I had a boyfriend, in college I got pregnant, and then a few months before covid I went through a break up which led me from city life back to suburb life (a blessing in disguise given the months to come).
Of course I have stayed in contact with acquaintances, and slowly made friends here and there from being at school functions, soccer functions, and just out and about in general-but do I have a close group of friends from high school or college that I can lean on? absolutely not. Most of my friends are married with children and it’s hard not to think “why not me? or what’s wrong with me”
I will say I’ve put minimal effort into dating over the last few years. I’ve given up on apps, and put trust in the universe that I will meet my person when the time is right. However that mindset only goes so far and as we approach my 6th year of being single- I’m questioning once again how I ended up the only one who hasn’t walked down the aisle.
It’s also incredibly hard to feel like throughout all of this, your body is also working against you. My AMH (a hormone indicative of your egg count) is similar to a woman in her mid forties. Which leads me to countless more questions that I won’t write on the internet. This also means that I will have to do more than 1 cycle of egg freezing.
It’s disheartening and unfair. I watch TikTok’s of many woman who are “upset” over getting 20+ eggs, when my goal for one cycle is two. TWO. 18 days of injections, 2 weeks of estrogen patches, and 4 months off of medications for two eggs. All alone.
The reality is that I don’t have a partner holding my hand through this, a friend to FaceTime, or any real support (excluding my mother and my grandmother in the UK). I also believe there’s a difference between women in relationships doing this VS single women doing this. For example, women in relationships freeze embryos with a higher chance of viability, where as single women just freeze eggs (one part of a very lengthy process between freezing, thawing and testing etc). Also one can argue, that women in relationships have a slither more of certainty.
I do understand that this is a very short period of my life in the scheme of things, but the emotional roller coster of it all has been wild. In and out every other day for monitoring, not knowing how your body will respond (if it responds), and the speed to which it responds. Then you anxiously wait all day for a phone call to inform you of your estrogen levels and next steps. Some people even get all the way through a cycle of “Stims” only for it to be canceled if there is no response or growth.
The good news is that there’s a TikTok community full of women who go through Egg Freezing and IVF along with reddit groups which help you feel less alone. BUT even still I wonder how I ended up In this position. Whilst I’m an open book with sharing this journey through TikTok, Instagram and now my blog I’m not sure that I will post numbers and results right now (once that finally happens) , just because it’s to emotional to share. Anyway thats my little update, and if you’re a woman who’s going through this or who has gone through this- you’re a superhero.
