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Before you read any further I will preface by saying: I am not a horrible person. I have never been involved in a “scandoval-esque” situation, and no I am not an anti social human being rotting on her Pottery Barn cream couch. A bold mistake with a muddy cocker spaniel but nonetheless.
After a 1.5 hour therapy session Tuesday, my therapist asked if I had any friend to “invite over”. No I answered. “Not one person?” she questioned. My reassurance confused both her and I as we wondered how I got to the age of 33 without any long lasting friends.
My college “besties” dropped off the map when I had my son at 22, my real estate colleagues turned rivals once business got good (oh the beauty of a competitive sales industry), and then we have the (ex) friends that I made through previous boyfriends who once again- fell off the map as soon as you broke up. Rightfully so. They were his friends, not yours.
Now of course I have friends at Pure Barre which is actually the reason that I keep on going. Friends I’ve made through my son (the parents at school and soccer) and friends online which I would say is the most predominant group. But I wish I had a foundational group of friends like many do from high school or college.
My mother has a best friend named Louise. The two of them are inseparable and have been since the age of 6. Yes SIX. They’ve been through ski trips in the Swiss alps, Slimming world clubs (where they would “get weighed and then treat themselves to a ripple bar of chocolate afterwards”), breakups, breakthroughs and basically everything and anything that you can ever imagine. Including a move across the Atlantic Ocean.
Despite the fact that my Mum moved from the Essex to New York over 25 years ago, the two of them have remained besties. They chat on a weekly basis, visit each other, and have this unspoken dream worthy sisterhood. So much so that my mum surprised her with a Tiffany bracelet at The Ivy this winter whilst I stared at my prawn cocktail and (nearly empty) glass of champagne aimlessly.
Now I also want to preface that I am not writing this post for sympathy or sorrow. I live quite a happy life, but I’ll be the first to admit that I wish I had a Louise in my life. A best friend to text when things get tough, to laugh over the ghastly messages I get on dating apps, or simply drink Sauvignon blanc and discuss Paige and Craigs breakup (if you know you know and if you don’t you’re probably better off).
So what’s the solution to finding authentic friendships in adulthood? Honestly I really don’t know. I’ve thought about joining a Woman’s Tennis Group (mainly for the outfits), a bookclub or maybe even the PTSG board at this point.
I wanted to publish this article because I know i’m not the only who feels this way. Covid has induced an epidemic of loneliness and isolation. Especially for those of us not working a traditional 9-5 in an office setting. Part of the reason that I love blogging and content creation is to feel a sense of connection with likeminded (or strong minded) individuals. So I would love to know if you find it hard to find or maintain adult friendships as well?
Thank you for reading. You can find more of my recent writing here or connect with me on Substack where I share the scribble of thoughts going on in my brain.
